A Close Shave

One major issue needs to be confronted before England take to the field later today for their decisive Group D encounter with Ukraine: When was the last time England picked a player with a haircut as daft as Rooney’s new barnet?

There can be plenty of post-hoc unkind assessments of players’ pelts from previous eras.  But, at the time, the likes of Kevin Keegan’s perm, Tony Daley’s mop and Mark Hateley’s mullet were not considered outlandish at the time; merely avant-garde.

Alas, Gazza never took the field for the national team with his flowing hair extensions (one of only fifty reasons why he is a legend), having wised up to his expensive mistake a day later.

David Beckham, of course, has done his best to make heads turn and press photographers flash with his myriad coiffes.  Though his worst/best (depending upon your point of view) effort is the shaved sides abomination, he can’t hold a candle to Rooney’s thinned-out mane.

Rooney’s haircut is eerily similar to that sported by Raul Meireles immediately prior to the Euros.  Unfortunately, they’re both fairly limited in their options as they are similarly follicly-challenged up top.  While Meireles has bowed to the inevitable and shaved his hair, Rooney ultimately opted for replacement surgery which, it would appear, has been less than completely successful.

The bigger sporting picture here is whether Rooney has made a breakthrough for footballers to follow cricketers such as Shane Warne, Ricky Ponting, Graham Gooch, Michael Vaughan, Jacques Kallis and Virender Sehwag in taking the surgical route to hirsuteness, where Gooch blazed a trail to eventual public acceptance of this solution.  Rooney’s latest style would appear to seriously jeopardise any chance of this happening in the world of football.

I urge Rooney to follow the example of Steve Stone and go for the buzz cut.  Better still, use all that God has given him and go for the comb-over as a throwback to Bobby Charlton.

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One thought on “A Close Shave

  1. I think we could all learn something from Steve Stone, you know he’s not taken off the England kit he was wearing the night he scored that goal against Portugal; including the socks! Lots of England dare to dream headlines here in the motherland today.

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